Proverb 14:13

I have been making it a goal of mine to read one proverb a day. Being that there are 31, there is one for every day of the month. I am finding great wisdom in the Proverbs, and enjoying this venture. Yesterday was one of those days when I got in the Word, and didn't want to leave, so I got a little ahead of myself. And then I came to the Proverb that stopped me cold. I've spent the better part of the last 24 hours meditating on it. I will print it here, as it is written in both my NLT and ESV, followed by my thoughts on it.

Proverb 14:13 (NLT) Laughter can conceal a heavy heart, but when the laughter ends, the grief remains.

Proverb 14:13 (ESV) Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief.

A good friend of mine who suffers from anxiety much the way that I do, puts it like this: "It feels like there is someone sitting on my chest, and I just can't breathe." Personally, I think that is what this proverb is describing.

Anyone who lives long enough will eventually experience grief. It can be the loss of a favorite toy, a place in line, a privilege. Then there are more devastating things: the loss of a pet, a loved one, a job, a home. Handled properly, you can recover from the grief. It can turn into something beautiful, like the hand of a friend outstretched to help you. A lesson learned that saved you from something worse. A push to take you off the wrong path and steer you to the right one. A new appreciation for what you have and those you love.

But what about the grief that moves in to stay? The kind that comes in the back door and you don't even realize that it's there until you can't breathe? The kind that hides itself behind false hope, a high road, motivation to do better, guilt...laughter? What do you do when you can't bear to deal with the grief, so it just moves in and makes a home?

I think this is what the proverb is speaking of. That kind of grief that we all try to hide.

Some of us internalize it...it's our own fault that it's there. So we try to be better, do better and nullify whatever put it there.

Some of us pass it on and share it. We can't figure out how to look it in the eye alone, so we give a piece to someone else and our misery has some company.

Some of us sedate ourselves in addictions or habits that dull the senses so we don't have to feel it.

Worst of all, in my opinion, is holding out false hope. It can also come under the pretense of walking along the proverbial "High Road". Hoping that someday, if you play your cards right, things will change, the hurt will be gone, and the grief will have moved out in the night. Sometimes people string us along on false hope, and sometimes it's there because we aren't strong enough to acknowledge Truth. Sometimes, it can take years to get the courage to look it in the eye.

Today my laughter stopped, and the grief was there. It's an old grief, one that has been with me a long time, patiently waiting for me to be ready. I pray that I am.